If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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