she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
