Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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