Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize