Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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