You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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