ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
