oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
