so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
