I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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