Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just found puke in my bra..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
