What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He did a backflip because drugs
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
