I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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