I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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