I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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