Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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