i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
