I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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