I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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