Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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