I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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