How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
wow bdsm is so cute
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
