she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
