ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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