so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
