he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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