considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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