My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
