So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
