Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
