so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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