I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
