I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
