That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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