Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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