The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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