I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
