I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
