HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
bring money and cleavage
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
