I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
