You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
