i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
