Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
