I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
