There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
