I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
