so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
