I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
