do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
