i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
me + whiskey = a bad person
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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