he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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