apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
