so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
