He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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