All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
