Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
