Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
