Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
