I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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