So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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