Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
