I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
