i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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