So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
