Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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