I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
