You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
