WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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