Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
