I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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