before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
this boner is exhausting
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
