this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
