Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
