I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
