Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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