I just made out with a guy for $7.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
