I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You ate ashes out of my bong
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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