I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize