I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
