you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
