our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
