i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize