there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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