We named our party play list daddy issues
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
