we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
