Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize