Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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