Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
