just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
