True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
