you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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