im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Green mimosas i think yes
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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