I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he fucked my hip out of place.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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