I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
