he wants to bone in the snuggie
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
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