Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize