i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
