I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
