Its about making memories worth repressing
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
