Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
