Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
