Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
